Why's life so hard?

I don't really think it should be easy.  Easy is boring, but shouldn't it be a little less hard? I enjoy all my games on easy mode first play through. 
Hmmm, maybe just maybe I have already played through on easy and this insanity mode.  Nah, it is still too boring more like hard mode.  Insanity would need more explosions and knife fights.
Let's face it,  i might not be good at knife fights.  If I die, it's game over.   I realize objectively life is what you make of it but face it some of us are clearly dealt a better starting hand and draw way better cards by chance. 
I said face it twice. Hmmm, wonder if that means anything.  Probably, it probably means that I am stuck with all the choices I have from all of the choices I have made.  This actually seems like a sound enough theory.
I find as I get older that I worry more about missing out on all the kinds of experiences and things that I want to do or see before I kick the can.  Sure I can see more in my next life but I want to achieve way to much in this one! 
See what happens when I'm lying here on the sofa to sick to do my microeconomics homework! I get philosophical.
Love you!

So I'm trying a new app for my photography...

Check out the latest photos by Aimée Gilchrìst: http://www.eyeem.com/u/18772877 Take and discover photos on EyeEm. For iPhone and Android.


Who's a Grad student? I AM! Oh, and video game talk.

Okay, so much for building up some momentum and getting you on the edge of your seat to find out if I was accepted.  So I was obviously accepted to the MBA program at SOU.  So now I am an official fancy pants! 
Yes, even I have surprised myself.  I knew I was smart, so it doesn't surprise me that I can get accepted, what surprises me if how far this little ol' nut job has actually made it.  SURE it only took me FOREVER to get my act together, but you know...the first 40 years are just research!!  

As the saying goes, "Your first 40 years of childhood are the hardest!"  Then there are other really cool sayings such as;  "You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream." C.S. Lewis.

SO I feel all backed up and justified!  READY! SET! (RUN SCREAMING LIKE MY HAIR IS ON FIRE)!! GO!!!!!!  

I feel a little bit of trepidation.  Mostly about getting back in the swing of learning, assignments, and school life in general.  This is always a stressful time in anyones life, but it can also be extremely rewarding and enriching. I love to learn and I am excited to take off in a brand new direction!  I am ready to kick a$$ and take names.  Not a whole lot different from anything else I have done but this one is kind of a big deal.  If I pull this off well who is to stop me from a doctorate some day?  Oh my goodness!!  No, I admit, I have no desire to go for that degree, but I do think I will be good in the consulting world and I hope to see that come to fruition.   

Okay, that is SOOOOOOOOOOO boring.  How about I talk about video games?  I have been playing the new(er) Tomb Raider game.  Not horrible, pretty decent.  I am not super crazy about how lame she can be sometimes haha.  OR the whole system of having to use twitch reflexes to wiggle and hit things during fights and so on.  Not so crazy about that.   Enjoyable however, and I will finish it.  Maybe. :)  

Let's just talk about this for a minute.  I seem to have an issue finishing games.  This has always been a problem for me, sometimes I feel like it because I get bored easily and lets face it  when you are doing repetitive things within a game I tend to put it down.  I wish the gameplay changed and kept you on your toes.  I don't want to do the same thing over and over until its rote memory.  A few games have been able to keep my interest all the way through to the bitter end.  BUT, this has been only a small few.  Mass Effect 3, Both Portal games, Mario Brothers, The walking dead, okay, there have been others, but I really am not here to sustain my gamer rep with anyone. :)  

I have been wanting to play the old adventure point and click stuff lately,  I just tried a new game called LIfe is strange.  It is set in Oregon and it is actually a very nice new take on point and click play.  The art and gameplay are fresh and the story is pretty interesting.  In this game you play a kid who can rewind time and change what happened, this is pretty damn cool.  I played the first episode and paid for the others.  The second is downloading as we speak, but I am sure I will enjoy it.  I must say I really enjoy these new episode based games.  I meant to play the Wolf amongst us, but only played the trial, I will do it eventually!  I am contemplating trying the final MYST and would also like to get to playing the older games SYberia and Gray Matter.   



1 month and counting...

Unpacked. The garage still looks scary.  I should probably do something about it.  :)  I am still alive, haven' heard back on the MBA program yet, I applied a few weeks ago now.  Just being busy with life stuff and getting to know the area.  The area I live in, is a little scary at night to me.  It could be worse.
Went on a road trip with my best friend for her bday to crescent city.  I LOVE that I am close to the beach again.  I miss it being a drive-able day thing to do.  I will be enjoying all new outdoor adventures this summer which I hope will whip me into shape and will mean a lot of blogs of my new found spots in the rogue valley!  So, my audience of noone, enjoy!

<3 p="">Amers


On staying at a Buddhist Temple

I am almost surprised that I still went considering I thought I would die from being a sissy at showing up.  I have some of the most awful social anxiety sometimes!  So I showed up and a monk directed me on where to park but I am assuming she doesn't drive all that often because she wanted me to park EXTREMELY close to the other cars.  I really could NOT get out of the car after she had me backing in and out so many times.  So this was pretty funny in retrospect but at the time it was a bit unnerving.  I never did seem to achieve whatever it was she wanted.  I was thinking later that maybe someone should make markers for parking spots to make that situation easier for them (and us).
After I was finally our of the car I then was directed into the office to check in a receive my room.  I admit I was a little nervous about sharing the space with a stranger, and I did have the remnants of my cold.  I was given a nice tour by one of the monks and shown my room to unpack.

  Our first night is pretty easy on us.  The new thing is that you don't talk to the others.  Its amazing how much you can get to know people without speaking to them.  I am not a very social person and am not really there to get to know others in a any sense anyway so this works great for me.  We learn a lot of your basic does and don'ts while staying.  Do: Bow to everyone you come in contact with, it is a sign of respect for the Buddha nature in us all.  Don't: Talk.  Do: Bow entering and leaving spaces to show respect for them. Don't: wear your shoes in any building unless it states that this is acceptable.  Do: Bow to all statues and shrines Don't: Cross paths without bowing.  Basically you better be prepares to bow.   We listen to a Dharma talk the first night, it is a very peaceful first night.

I ended up by myself in my room because my roomie is a light sleeper and was concerned I may cough.    Yay small bonus.  Well I sound so anti-social.  I am not, but I really value being alone!  <3 nbsp="" span="">

Throughout the weekend we attend Dharma talks, receive oodles of free books and information about the Soto Zen tradition of Buddhism.  Most of our days involve getting up before dawn, meditation, and working meditation, eating, listening, reading, and more meditating.  We attend a ceremony. It was one for Kanzeon.  

I loved returning to my peaceful room to reflect on the things I felt and learned at the end of each night.  By the way, the setting for the Abbey is amazing! It is really an easy place to absorb the surroundings.  Mount Shasta, of course, is a beautiful mountain and the area the Abbey sits on is so close.  It is right on the interstate, I like that you have a river of humans, the sound isn't a distraction surprisingly enough.  

In all of the rooms and halls of the guest house there is very beautiful art!  It is very nice to enjoy and in your room a small shelf beneath it also provides a place for a traveling alter if you wish.

The view from outside the guest house of Mount Shasta.  With the naked eye it is really much closer than the camera seems to be able to capture.  >

Over all it was a very GOOD experience.  I was surprised at how tired I was at he end of each night.  Now I must confess you are not supposed to have you cell phone on, much less be using it.  So I did not take a ton of pictures just snapped a few quickly and shut it off and put it away.  I didn't want to get busted :).

The statues and shrines and grounds are all very cool and I wish I could have walked around and got a  ton of super cool shots.  There are some very zen spots throughout the place to chill and meditate as well.  The monks are all very accommodating and really are a great group of people.  They all have different personalities.  I tend to like the more serious ones a lot!  During the stay you have an option for spiritual counsel.  I nervously signed up and ended up having a very illuminating discussion with a monk.  I really felt humbled by the simple wisdom that was imparted to me.  It was a very deep experience of realizing just how hard we make life!

While staying there I also learned that because they offer all the stays for free (amazingly as well as most of their books).  The operate on the concept of Dana.  If you visit please leave the best you can according to your means.  I calculated the cost of two nights at a motel, the food, and the cost of books.

&lt;&lt; This was in all of the toilets at the Shasta Abbey.  I had a chuckle at it the entire time.  There were little such things all throughout the place that were helpful for keeping mindful and asking for a blessing.  Hey,  nobody wants a disaster in the water closet!!

And did I mention all of the free literature about Buddhism, Zen Soto Buddhism, stories, and Dharma talks on CD they offer?  Yes I did, just wanted to mention it again.
Okay so, I decided to go a second time for a very powerful ceremony.  This is an amazing this to witness and if I can recommend attending this you will NOT be disappointed.  I stayed for 4 nights this time and it was for "The Feeding of The Hungry Ghosts Retreat" in which we learn a lot about the teachings on the different levels of heavens and hells and where the "Hungry Ghosts" reside.  We learn about the reason behind the festival and how to participate in it.  I LOVED THIS CEREMONY!  Let me explain why, there are actually two ceremonies. The second smaller once focuses on writing down the names of those who passed away that you believe to have died with bad circumstances and would need a transfer of merit from the monks.  Also you can fill out a tombstone with the names to help clear a portion of the burden of their karma.  This gets even cooler because you can also write down situations in your or others life that you believe need some of the Monks merit.  These are taken and burned in a fire at the segaki ceremony.   The feeding of the Hungry ghosts is the main and another powerful ceremony.  In this ceremony the names of the deceased that you fear to be a hungry ghost are offered forward.  They set up a great alters piled with foods and cover the Buddha shrine.  The play really cool "noise" music on authentic Asian instruments and drums to attract the ghosts.  Then they offer large sums of hell money to pay the ghosts way out hell so that they may learn the Dharma and be released from the hell realms.  Of course the ceremony is chanted in Japanese.  I got to chant it, and make the offerings with the monks, it was extremely powerful, I felt dizzy most of the ceremony.  Now, because you have let the gaki out and those naughty little spirits like to cause some mischief and every year several mishaps take place.  I was helping dismantle the alter and was carrying a lovely tray of sweets away from the alter and back to the kitchen when suddenly i was falling down a flight of stairs.  I saw the stairs, and then it was as if I stepped off into a void.  So, I actually missed the 2nd ceremony much to my dismay as I had a horrible sprain that rendered my slightly crippled the next day and into the week.  Oops!  

I have really enjoyed the wisdom, teachings, and time that I spent at the Shasta Abbey.  I am moving but funny enough I will be the same distance from my new location from the Abbey so I will continue to visit occasionally as I can.  I really respect the fact that unlike MANY of the other Buddhist Temple's in the US this one is FREE!  Many of the other charge hundreds of dollars for their retreats.  I understand it is to fund their temple but I believe doing it by donation will reap bigger rewards personally and I really do love that they are so hospitable and genuine in teaching the Dharma.  

In Gassho.


Well lets sit and play catch up for a minute.  First off I will write a post about my experience(s) staying at the Shasta Abbey.  It was a great experience.  I wish it would stick with me longer in the real world.  That said, more news.  I am moving to Medford Oregon!  In order for this to happen you must first understand that my business failed, sad but reality.  It is okay, I am planning to complete my MBA at SOU!  So onward to better things!   I realize that no one really reads these posts (unless I ask them too) but still I feel like I should keep anyone who happens to up to date on the mundane and boring details of my life once in a while.
I am very stressed out and nervous because moving is BIG!  But I just know it will be better over the hill, so much to do and many more jobs.


Need to unplug...

I plan on driving to a Zen Buddhist monastery to stay they weekend.  This means I will have to be all about that sacred silence.   This will be interesting for anyone who loves to talk such as I do.  But over the years I have learned the value of silence, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to practice it a little more. 
I am a bit freaked out about doing something wrong or just making a fool out of myself but they say you learn best through humility. 
I have recently had some issues with anxiety so I figured that this should be a great way to fight it.   So now my only concern is that I have a cold and I read not to go if I am sick, so if I can clear it up in the next 4 days... I am able to go, if not I will have to wait a month, and I might have a job or client by then so I better get better. If only there was a cure for the cold!


Reminder: Trust your journey ladies.


A good place to read about how women make it through everything.  It is also a nice way to realize how strong you are and how much worse things could really be and most important how we make it through and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and hopefully are happier.

Well that went to hell fast!!! (Over dramatic title)

Not trying to sound like Debbie downer or anything but it was amazing just how much life could go downhill within four months.  EDC was awesome and wonderful and I had a great time and it weird-ed me out and caused some emotional trauma revisited.  Overall I was okay.  Then I got stranded in the airport at San Francisco overnight thanks to runway construction and united airlines (which I will never fly with again I promise you) which I will write all about another time.  Get home totally exhausted but running off the high of my EDC trip which turned out to be a good thing because a mere two days later I was laid off from my job at badwill.  Har har.  Actually it was a blessing in disguise because I was beginning to realize again, not for the first, or second, or third, or tenth time.  I DO NOT LIKE TO WORK.  I love to work.  Just not for anyone else, so far.  :)  Don't get me wrong...working at Goodwill was amazing I learned so much and gained a ton of experience and insight, made new friends, and most of all it opened the door to foster home idea.

Now speaking of the foster home I am very happy to report that being laid off allowed me the time to actually work on get it opened.  Made about 4000.00 in changes to the house I didn't need to for a client that never moved in but o'well it is done in the future if it need be.  In less that 6 weeks I had myself licensed for an occupancy of 2 people and  my very first client.  I was optimistic, excited, and so ignorant!!
Well, my first client ended up not working out in a really big way.  First off there were several red flags I ignored, and omissions by previous providers and the state, second there was the fact I had no experience and third there was just good ol' universe deciding I should learn a lesson the hard way.  Well my client unbeknownst to me was a bit dangerous, and very violent, and I was not licensed or train for this type of individual and it ended in animal torture and me getting beat up and the police escorting this person out of my life.  I learned to think very hard about who is moving in, their personalities and their PAST and most off to make sure that I have ALL the information on the person, the entire picture.  I also learned about rules and boundaries and setting up my home more effectively.  I also learned that PTSD sucks and as I am typing this I a m have a nice anxiety attack reliving the experience!!
Okay it didn't all go to hell and I am taking a nice vacation to the coast with the kids on my unemployment money.
Life is good, life is hard, live is crazy.  Believe in your journey!  Loves!