WTF are you doing!!!??

Well I will tell you what I am doing!  I am living in a little cave like a troll, working with juvenile delinquents (not in the cave I live in) at a youth ranch.... I just bought a new car (which I LOVE) It also got hit and is almost back to being what it was when I bought it.  I am currently saving money to move too some unknown location with mr. wonderful.  I hope it's a happy, warm, nice place.  I am freezing my ass off while I am typing this right now because, caves are cold, but at least I have the internet in here.

SEE!  Someone hurt my poor car.  Well its fixed now, almost completely a few minor details to tend too, but I'm driving the honda anyway because of the weather and the fact the mazda sucks in the snow, it has the wrong tires.  

Ok I have a dog now I drew eyebrows on her, her name is Cricket but I think her real name is Maria Martinez. 

What else?  Oh I don't know.  Life is good. I just started back up at the gym.  Weeeeee. Thats about all. 

Blast from the past

So I think I am funny, no really I am just hilarious. Here is something I wrote in 2008 to a friend.

Don't fly with US.

April 3, 2008

(This was originally an email to someone and I thought I'd post it)

I was in the Phoenix airport, I handed my boarding pass to the security officer and SURPRISE!! I was randomly selected for an additional search (again)! I had once again won the airline lottery! Canceling my last flight and selecting me for an additional search in New York wasn't enough. They wanted to really make me love flying.
I was put in a funny little glass room with three clear glass walls and a door. I thought to myself, not for the first time, why do you need a door on a three walled room, why not make four walls and two doors? Or better yet why not just have no walls and no door and just have me sit down in a chair because it would seem to me that it is extremely easy to escape from a room with three walls.
I look up and see an aging punk rocker about 30 feet away "locked" in a room like mine. We point and laugh and he starts flipping everyone (except me) off. We are both visibly laughing at our captors.
A woman comes to the door. She opens it and has me follow her and my belongings being carried by three security officers. I skip along behind them because there is no reason for me to take the situation seriously. The worst thing I have on me is some crappy tasting airborne (apple cider flavor). They take all my things out of my carry on, purse and laptop bag. They also run some weird little cloth all over everything.
A security officer who is young and pretty with long blond hair asks me to step onto a carpet with feet prints on it and put my arms out to my sides, parallel to the floor. As she does this and tries to demonstrate it she flings her arms out quickly and smashes her fellow security officer in the face, to my delight.
The punk rocker is standing next to me and we all laugh. They sort of stop being jerks and I start putting my shoes and sweater back on. While I am doing this she is now trying to open my laptop. Backwards. I explain she had it backwards and it's okay I even do it once in a while. She says 'thank you for saying that in front of everyone' and gives me things. I got a gold star. I am not sure what it means but I am hoping it means my next flight won't be canceled and cost me another 100.00 in unexpected hotels.
My flight was not canceled but my plane was falling apart. I was on this smaller type of plane that sat two people two a row and it must have been 30 years old. It was literally taped together all around me. I thought this is it I am going to die on this crappy airplane with this crappy airline that has made my travel hellish. I commented on the tape coming off the panels above me and even stood up and fixed it which had the people on the plane laughing (nervously). Then my flying companion pointed out that we could be on the airplane next to us. We all looked out our tiny little portholes at a much older much scarier looking plane and laughed again. The flight attendant glared at me, but I made it to Medford alive.
So let me sum it up. Don't fly with US. US airways sucks.

I'm deranged.

Or at least it feels that way when I log in and type all this stuff down to myself once in a while.  Actually it's so sporadic I am not sure I could even call it once in a while!  Soooo whats new?

I am working two jobs, yep working my butt off, saving money and trying to wait out a process necessary for Robert to get down here with me so we can both live in Portland.  We both love it there so much and I cannot wait until I can get back up there.

So I am working a lot lately, sometimes I get only a few hours a sleep a day but I just keep telling myself it will pay off later!!!

Julianna moved in with me and Gwynneth moved down to New Orleans and is now living with Mike.  Hmmm..... yeah that's it for now.  Life is tiring but wonderful!!

<3 p="p">

Well I am almost done with school. If I can pass this math class anyway. I have a C right now so I think I can pull it off. :P

Grandpa Don died Tuesday, the family was there to say goodbye. I am officially grandparent-less. Oh I now feel the regret of not visiting enough. :( Well I suppose that is normal.

I bought a new car. A Honda, it is a project car. That was unintentional but someone sold me a car and long story short it has enough problems to officially be a project car! :P I had to replace the cv axle and the transmission, brake rotors and engine mount are next. :P Got it painted too, just temporary paint job but it is one color now haha! YES! I love my little car though so cute. BUt I have decided I am not allowed to buy a car on my own now haha. :P

Ok lets try that again, that last post sounded sorta negative. Seriously I have a lot of great things in life. I just went on a fun trip to San Francisco. I smoked my hookah I bought there today and it was peaches! LOL. Went to Alcatraz FINALLY! It was pretty cool, maybe not as cool as I imagined. But still cool to be in a famous prison. I over spent in Japan town and stayed in a neat anime themed hotel called Tomo. I ate awesome food at awesome places. I didn't study for my math test and failed it Oops!! I made a new friend who I went on my trip with and he is a really nice person and I thank him for joining the mini vacation. I have made a habit out of vacations with friends hahaha. Hey I said I wanted to LIVE life and so far this has proved to be a super fun way to go about it.
 Plus I make some really great friends so far, I mean people I believe I can remain true friends with. And that's hard to do in this world, well maybe not but it seems that way. I can't wait till I land my dream job and can take my friends on pay back vacations!!! Sometimes you just really gel with someone and there was something about them I really value as a friend. Speaking of that concept, isn't it nice when someone just "gets" you?
Okay well UPDATE everyone I have met has turned out to be a psycho backstabber but Robert but honestly that little bit at the end was all about him anyway lolol.

Well I am on my last term at school and everything is not going as planned as usual. -_-. Had plans to get a job and move in April but everything is going haywire so it looks like I am stuck in the pit of despair for a few months. Finding a job here really freaks me out because everyone knows employment opportunities are not so great nor is the pay scale. I have to pass college algebra to graduate but unfortunately I have a solid D in this class so I am mega freaked out I wont graduate on time either. I am sure it will all work out! I mean life has a way of continuing no matter what you do. :) Thank Buddha! Anyway, just a quick update. Yay!

Destination Unknown......

Well not really, but yes really. I would love to have a solid plan but if I did I wouldn't be me. :) I feel a little freaked out about school ending and then having to go for it in any strange city I end up in, I hope its Portland so it won't be so strange. Wait, lol Portland not strange? Did I just say that? Then again its strangeness is likely what I find so comforting, I mean I can't think of many cities like Portland. I struggle with the fear of the great unknown I guess. What will I get to do? Hmmm the possibilities are limitless....but I am not so sure the choices will be ;).

NEW DIRECTIVES

I have now adjusted my goals. I have decided I need to change my life. I will finish school within the next 6 months. While doing this I will get a job and save a lot of money. After I graduate I will try to find a job in Portland and then upon getting this job I will move to Portland and livehappily ever after. True story.... I hope.

update  09/01/2013:
Nope.  But you got a decent job, so chin up buttercup. 

Vacation from heaven!
I just spent almost 2 full weeks running around Las Vegas and Portland. It was like I had died and gone to fun for once.
This would have not been possible without my very nice friend Robert, to whom I will always think very fondly of. He was a sweetheart.

Well I am sure he still is, it's not like he is dead. Unfortunately he lives in Canada so I can't really kick it with my super cool friend easily haha.

We had a lot of super epic and not so epic adventures, he got to hear about my feet hurting WAY to much but in the end I believe it was a VERY good time, in fact I will say the greatest trip I have had yet and will probably remain in the top 3 of my lifetime. If it doesn't then my life is going to get way more kick-ass, just sayin!!
We went to Vegas and explored the strip and Fremont St. We played video games together at a video lounge bar called insert coins (which was way fun).

We went and saw the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam. We saw tons of things we didn't expect to see, like the weird shoe tree on the way back to Reno. We laughed so much it was criminal and ate and drank and we were living it up. We stayed in a swank ass suite in the Hard Rock hotel and really had a good time.

IN Portland we stayed in a really fun boutique hotel called Jupiter and it came with chalkboard doors and earplugs and condoms on the night stand haha, it was quirky and fun and oh so Portland.

We ate the Le Bistro Montage and I got to take home my leftovers in the shape of an elegant tinfoil kitty cat. ;) We went to the city of books and the 24 hour church of Elvis, we had a fight on Burnside bridge. We laughed at people in a divy karaoke bar and watch strippers together. We played with a million video games at Game On 2.0 @ OMSI.

We did everything with style and when we didn't have that we did it with our weird sense of humor and still had fun. Overall it was magic and I am glad I shared it with someone I didn't know very well haha, it makes the memory stand out even more. So, Robert thank you for the time of my life.

There are strange things afoot, in my head at night; well at least I got to eat some Kimchi in my dream. No wait! I didn't I had to give it away to Bret and Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords. What? My old friend Melissa was married to some old Asian guy and I offered to bring the rest of my Kimchi over for house guests that were arriving. In the meantime I had never really interacted with Melissa because she was outside pouring concrete steps. Oh I also dreamt that my friend Rob blew up some power plant where he lived... then he (maybe we?) went to this little market and hung out and there was a hot tub in it and... Bret and Jermaine from flight of the conchords were in the hot tub. Some other stuff happened but its top secret. I have no clue what my brain is plotting but I can pretty much guarantee it is not coming true!

Lets see it has probably been about a half year since my last good ramble. I really don't know because I haven't looked, I am just making it up. Isn't that what we are all doing anyway? Just making it up as we go? I hope you say yes, otherwise I may have been doing this wrong!! EGAD!!! (Oh god).
I love words made up by the British. Without them we wouldn't be able to say "Bloody" in an entirely awesome context. "Oh Bloody hell!" Really, some of the stuff they say is just awesome! Like Bugger, ahaha I rest my case.
I think I have A.D.D. I mean I can't focus for very long. For instance, I began writing this over an hour ago. I totally forgot I was even writing it. Is this just a by product of technological distraction or am I really this bad? Perhaps it's dementia. EGAD!!!
I have forgotten whether there was an original point I was planning on making when I started this. It definitely wasn't meant to be about British slang; whatever works ok? OK!
Oh yes me Me ME!!! I was going to talk about myself!! Where do I find myself during August of 2011? Well, I am glad you asked. Oh you didn't ask! My bad! I am still in school but I hope to finish up early next year. I am still single and mostly loving it. I am not working but should probably change that because I wan't money. :)
Hmmm, I am going to Las Vegas for about a week with an "online" friend. :) If I never return let it be noted that I lived my life to the fullest, lived hard, loved hard, and hopefully died quickly. No regrets!!!

I try to remain a bit vague in this blog and delve to far into my crazy personal life. Sometimes, well actually most of the time it affects my daily functioning far to much. So here I am again making small catastrophes of my life...."tiny explosion" if you will. I don't believe unconditional love exists anymore, in fact I am having a hard time placing faith in the concept of love. Do we love others or just love ourselves with others. I have heard the argument we can only love ourselves and that affects the relationships around us. If this is in fact true then I better figure out how to treat myself with compassion, respect, and kindness. Why do I push away the good people and embrace the horrible ones? With all that said it is a beautiful spring day outside and my heart is hurting and not for the reasons you would suspect.

Hello world,
I am up way too late, have tests I am not studying for and am addicted to Korean drama so I am pretty much useless. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. I must pass my classes this term! I wonder why I cant seem to put forth the effort that is required to not be a loser? Oh my!! Maybe I am a loser!!! YIKES! No way I am awesome. Who am I trying to convince, myself.
So I was thinking I should really make a huge change in my life. I was born for adventure, impulsive decisions, and leaping before looking, why stop now. My goal is to leave this life, NO NOT NOW! Geesh lighten up! But to leave this world with the knowledge that I really lived it.
Now let see how can I do it? Hmmmm.

(2/2) I have one more way to remember! ^^

(1/2) Testing out being able to blog from my phone! If this works i may actually have the time to blog! Okay lets be honest ... I will still forget! But now

So I am trying to maintain the flow but I feel like I might get drowned by my school schedule this term. I am only two weeks in and it seems to be pretty intense and I cant seem to make myself study. .....I am so annoying.
:)

Excuse me will the real slim shady please stand up!
I have no idea why that just went through my head, but then again I must wonder where most of the things my brain concocts comes from. I have had it pretty good this year, killing myself off to finish school and I had a pretty amazing December.
This is notable because December is usually the worst month of my life. All the horrible things seem to happen upon me in December.
I decided to take a risk (which for anyone that knows me is not that crazy) and fly to New Jersey and hang out with a guy I met online! It turned out to be the trip of a lifetime! I spent time running around New York with him seeing the sites, went to Atlantic City and had some fun there too! Over all it was wonderful, he treated me like a princess and I doubt I will be treated like that again (if I am I will appreciate it though). I came home high off of a great adventure with good food and good memories. It was amazing! So for that I thank Li. Wherever he may be in the future, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him.
Then I came home 4 days before Christmas and we had a wonderful Christmas with friends and family. Over all it was the greatest end to a painful year!
(On a side note, I had shoulder surgery 11/16 and was traipsing around New York in a sling!!)

"Agents of Secret Stuff"

Today I am feeling a bit melancholy.
It is for good reason. I am waiting for my significant other to move back home. It is weird because we are in the same house together like two strangers that aren't strangers at all bumping into to one another. Its very difficult, and quite sad at times.
We talked about dating when he got home again but....something seems off. It seems like his heart isn't in it. I can never truly trust my interpretation of others as I am so freakin crazy myself.
I'm just tired.
School is burning me out. Life is burning me out.
Well one thing is for sure...none of us will make it out alive.

City of eternal winter

Well it's a new morning in the City of Sunshine. That name is misleading yet entirely true. First, we do receive average of more than 300 sunny days a year. Which is a lot I suppose although I can't say I've noticed a big difference in any other place I have lived. What they forget to mention is that it is high desert at about 4050 feet in elevation....which makes it cold during winter, oh and although it gets a lot of sun it also get a lot of snow. Our winter runs for something crazy like October to May. Yeah eternal winter, or at least that is what it feels like. People around here get pretty depressed during winter from being shut in for so long. I personally can't stand the cold so I avoid going out into it as much as I can. Unfortunately that is like several times a day because college and work make me HAVE to go out in it. Brrr. I think I would happy to never leave my house.
In the summer that's an entirely different story.
Can you tell I am waiting for summer. I am hoping that it will bring me some peace and serenity. Some good times. Some happiness. Something.