I sit here on this Friday night reflecting upon my life. It has been one long crazy ride. Often it tires me to try to recall most of it. Sometimes I just say to myself..."Was that me? Did I really do that?" And all to often the answer to my question is a "Unfortunately I believe it was."
All of the turns I have taken, the battles I fought and lost or even more amazingly won. I see my lifelong struggle with myself. I am tired. I am tired of being tired. I don't regret it though because one day this will be an amazing story to tell. The whole thing....if I can remember it.


You know its funny, but as I sit here getting ready to write a speech on 15 minutes of fame I notice an entry from 2004 says something about being live from New York...funny that is exactly what I will be talking about.
And how am I, I may ask myself?
As usual I am an absolute disaster zone. As David Smallen sings "So your life is a landslide mine is too..."
BUT...I have not resorted to drinking this time. YAY! I think that my 15 minutes of fame really changed my life. Oh, I should perhaps tell the tale.
So, after a string of unfortunate things that seemed like real relationships and Leon killing himself I was overwhelmed, once again, and began drinking HARD. I mean a fifth of Whiskey a day hard. I even would take it with a methadone chaser until I almost killed myself doing it.
So my daughter signs me up for the Tyra Banks show for my drinking, next thing I know Im on the Tyra Banks show, for a "Party Girl" episode. Only it wasn't really me. I wasn't like these girls, didn't fit the description, plus I had already started tapering off the alcohol by then. I went for the adventure. It was more torturous than adventurous. It did however let me take a long hard look at myself and make the changes that needed to be made. And no, I didn't do anything embarrassing...well not on tape.